Posts Tagged ‘ Sex ’

MERRY XMAS HOPE YOUR FLIGHTS ARE DELAY FREE

Kringle

ODE TO THANKSGIVING TURKEYS: YUMMY-YUMMY!

BYE-BYE TO ONE SWEET GOBBLER

Holiday turkey,

you’re such a culinary delight.

With your meat so tender,

we shall gobble you tonight.

And when our tummies are stuffed with you,

you may wind up as a tasty stew.

If by chance you turn greenish-blue,

we’ll have to trash what’s left of you.

By

Boots LeBaron

Click the link below and get Boots’s Black Friday Holiday Deal Starting Friday !!! And the Rest of the month !! Happy Turkey Day !!

DESPITE NEGATIVISM, NEVER GIVE UP HOPE

THE HUMAN RACE

 

SANTA’S TALLEST ELF BEATS ADVERSITY!

 

Life is difficult. Even at Christmastime.

Daphne, one of Santa’s many Elves, is living

proof that when you’re teased, ignored and

cast aside, you can rise above your heartache.

All you need is courage and the will to smile

despite your imperfections. Daphne experienced

such adversity regularly at, of all places,

Santa’s workshop in the North Pole. That’s

where the itsy-bitsy Elves harassed the hard-

working Daphne because they judged her for

being too lanky. At six-foot-one, she

towered over them like a skyscraper above

an igloo. Since she loved to trip the light

fantastic, to overcome her feelings of

inadequacy, after an exhausting day making

puppets and other surprises, she’d dance

her way to bed. That’s when her fellow toy

makers would look down their large noses

at her chanting, “Twinkle Toes, Twinkle

Toes with your teeny-weeny nose-e-nose.”

One night as the aurora borealis lit up the

sky, Daphne hopped the first available sleigh

and headed for the Big Apple (also known

as New York City). Despite her height and

large pointy ears, Daphne was given a warm

welcome by a group of charming  chorus girls

who judged her for her ability to dance,

sing and smile brightly. They didn’t care

that Daphne didn’t meet their height require

ment of 5-foot-8 or so. She was as tall

and she loved to smile . Although she missed

 the tiny North Pole co-workers, Daphne a

reason to be cheerful. She became the

newest member of a world-famous troupe

of high kickers known as The Rockettes.

Peace of mind, you see, is a precious gift

that even old Kriss Kringle can’t deliver.

— Boots LeBaron —

(Boots’ current book THE HUMAN RACE is now

available on Kindle and in paperback on Amazon.

It contains human interest interviews as well as

essays and light poetry about life, courage, love, etc.)

THE LAUNDROMAT: A PLACE TO TWIDDLE LIFE AWAY!

THE HUMAN RACE

 NEED TO STRETCH YOUR FANTASIZING BUTTON? 

VISIT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD LAUNDROMAT.

 

Sitting in the laundromat

watching the Speed Queen

tumble-dry your clothes

is an excruciating thing.

You could spend time gawking

at scrumptious honeys,

or occupy the boring minutes

twiddling your thumbies.

Play a game of solitaire,

if by chance you have a deck.

Waiting for clothes to dry

is one monotonous trek.

 If you’re the type of guy

who can slip into a trance,

a visit to Laundry Land might

allow your thoughts to dance.

 You could become a movie star

or perhaps a pool hall champ,

win an Oscar, be a lover,

or massage Aladdin’s lamp.

 But if you enjoy the tedious

buzz of laundromat machines,

somewhere in your ancestry

there’s mutilated genes.

 

Boots LeBaron

(Boots’ current book, “THE HUMAN RACE,” is available

on Kindle and in paperback on Amazon.  It features

light poetry, essays and human interest stories.)

LOOK TO THE STARS TO HEAL YOUR PERSONAL SOAP-OPERA

THE HUMAN RACE

ASTROLOGICAL  FORECASTS YOU WON’T FIND IN

THE journal SCIENCE OR ON TV’S BREAKING NEWS:

Aquarius:  Today you will bring tears

to the eyes of those you are close to.

Take a mint. You have halitosis.

 

Aries: To fill the emptiness in your

 life, buy or adopt a dog.  It will give

you what humans aren’t capable of:  True

love, absolute trust and a sloppy lick.

 

Pisces: As a senior citizen, beware

of a sudden change in the attitude

of your adult children. They are

turning into your parents.

 

Taurus: Tonight, your best cure for insomnia

 is to make love to your sex-deprived mate.

As the aligned planets declare:  Don’t

procrastinate, you’ll rise up to the challenge!

 

Gemini: If you’re suffering with a

four-hour Viagra erection, don’t call

your physician. Planets are affirming

that today you’re blessed with the op-

portunity to satisfy the needs of many.

 

Cancer: Especially today, don’t fall

in love with yourself. You’re not

worth it.

 

Leo: Now is the opportune time to

take credit for the marketing ideas

created by your assistant.

 

Virgo: You can’t afford to become enraged

at the man who’s having an affair with

your wife. He’s your employer!

 

Libra: For the sake of sanity, don’t ask your

 secretary to bring you coffee, lie to your

wife or take his laundry to the dry cleaners.

She knows you for what you are:

A CHAUVINISTIC HORSE’S ASS!

 

Scorpio: Warning to passionate lovers.

In the heat of the night, don’t forget to

turn off the electric blanket.

 

Sagittarius: Stay calm when you take your written

driver’s exam. If you sweat, the ink on your palms

will smear ruining your chances to pass the test.

Capricorn: Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah

revellers, brace for a hurricane during the holiday season!

You’re mother-in-law’s coming to town!  She was

 the out-spoken one who felt you weren’t good enough

to marry her child.  So when the doorbell chimes, be

forewarned.  It ain’t gonna be Santa.

                  — Boots LeBaron —

http://www.amazon.com/The-Human-Race-Boots-LeBaron/dp/1494218526

READ MY LIPS: THE MEANING OF A KISS

THE HUMAN RACE

LIPS THAT  KISS, POUT AND WHISPER SWEET-NOTHINGS

 

A kiss, even a prolonged mushy one,

is no guarantee for future bliss.

Yet it’s here, now and yummy. The

exaltation that ensues could result in

a mind-boggling journey. A tumultuous

one might, depending on the embracees,

could wind up as a lasting love affair

 or a fairy tale one-nighter. Every

person reacts differently when a lover

tickles the sensuality whispering sweet-

nothings into an ear. Who knows what

intentions lurk when two lips touch?

Even a quick peck could say either: “I like

you an awful lot” or “You fill my heart

with passion.” Who’s to know? If the

act is truthful, the heartfelt exchange

might ask, “Now what?” The answer could

take seconds, days or an eternity.

But the pleasure is worth the effort.

During the necking process, if lips

part and tongues play hide-and-seek, the

performance could rival great theater.

Such exoticism never killed nobody.

Whether the act is sincere or sheer theatrics,

kissing is a motivational treasure that

makes hearts, souls and intellects one.

It’s like a promissory note. It must be

acted upon. Soon! If locking lips isn’t

a heavenly experience, where’s the fun?

After all, it provides couples with

the intimacy of exploration. A kiss

can lead to the altar, solve loneliness,

result in untold wealth, last forever,

or wind up in the divorce court. A smooch

offers all participants that touchy-feely

sensation that tweaks emotional mechanisms as

humanity searches for the meaning of LOVE.

 

— Boots LeBaron —

 

(Boots’ book, THE HUMAN RACE, contains philosophic

and humorous interviews, essays and light poetry

about life, death, love, courage, the workplace,

God and Showbiz. It’s available on Kindle or

may be purchased in paperback via Amazon.com)

Boots New Book The Human Race is available now at Amazon/Kindle! Click the link and go check it out!

Boots has just published his new book The Human Race by Boots LeBaron.  Its available now on Amazon and in the Kindle Select Library.

Boots has just published his new book The Human Race by Boots LeBaron. Its available now on Amazon and in the Kindle Select Library.

http://www.amazon.com/HUMAN-RACE-BOOTS-LEBARON-ebook/dp/B00FECDGD2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1383000404&sr=1-1

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