Posts Tagged ‘ Sex ’
BYE-BYE TO ONE SWEET GOBBLER
Holiday turkey,
you’re such a culinary delight.
With your meat so tender,
we shall gobble you tonight.
And when our tummies are stuffed with you,
you may wind up as a tasty stew.
If by chance you turn greenish-blue,
we’ll have to trash what’s left of you.
By
— Boots LeBaron —
Click the link below and get Boots’s Black Friday Holiday Deal Starting Friday !!! And the Rest of the month !! Happy Turkey Day !!
THE HUMAN RACE
SANTA’S TALLEST ELF BEATS ADVERSITY!
Life is difficult. Even at Christmastime.
Daphne, one of Santa’s many Elves, is living
proof that when you’re teased, ignored and
cast aside, you can rise above your heartache.
All you need is courage and the will to smile
despite your imperfections. Daphne experienced
such adversity regularly at, of all places,
Santa’s workshop in the North Pole. That’s
where the itsy-bitsy Elves harassed the hard-
working Daphne because they judged her for
being too lanky. At six-foot-one, she
towered over them like a skyscraper above
an igloo. Since she loved to trip the light
fantastic, to overcome her feelings of
inadequacy, after an exhausting day making
puppets and other surprises, she’d dance
her way to bed. That’s when her fellow toy
makers would look down their large noses
at her chanting, “Twinkle Toes, Twinkle
Toes with your teeny-weeny nose-e-nose.”
One night as the aurora borealis lit up the
sky, Daphne hopped the first available sleigh
and headed for the Big Apple (also known
as New York City). Despite her height and
large pointy ears, Daphne was given a warm
welcome by a group of charming chorus girls
who judged her for her ability to dance,
sing and smile brightly. They didn’t care
that Daphne didn’t meet their height require
ment of 5-foot-8 or so. She was as tall
and she loved to smile . Although she missed
the tiny North Pole co-workers, Daphne a
reason to be cheerful. She became the
newest member of a world-famous troupe
of high kickers known as The Rockettes.
Peace of mind, you see, is a precious gift
that even old Kriss Kringle can’t deliver.
— Boots LeBaron —
(Boots’ current book THE HUMAN RACE is now
available on Kindle and in paperback on Amazon.
It contains human interest interviews as well as
essays and light poetry about life, courage, love, etc.)
THE HUMAN RACE
NEED TO STRETCH YOUR FANTASIZING BUTTON?
VISIT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD LAUNDROMAT.
Sitting in the laundromat
watching the Speed Queen
tumble-dry your clothes
is an excruciating thing.
You could spend time gawking
at scrumptious honeys,
or occupy the boring minutes
twiddling your thumbies.
Play a game of solitaire,
if by chance you have a deck.
Waiting for clothes to dry
is one monotonous trek.
If you’re the type of guy
who can slip into a trance,
a visit to Laundry Land might
allow your thoughts to dance.
You could become a movie star
or perhaps a pool hall champ,
win an Oscar, be a lover,
or massage Aladdin’s lamp.
But if you enjoy the tedious
buzz of laundromat machines,
somewhere in your ancestry
there’s mutilated genes.
— Boots LeBaron —
(Boots’ current book, “THE HUMAN RACE,” is available
on Kindle and in paperback on Amazon. It features
light poetry, essays and human interest stories.)
THE HUMAN RACE
ASTROLOGICAL FORECASTS YOU WON’T FIND IN
THE journal SCIENCE OR ON TV’S BREAKING NEWS:
Aquarius: Today you will bring tears
to the eyes of those you are close to.
Take a mint. You have halitosis.
Aries: To fill the emptiness in your
life, buy or adopt a dog. It will give
you what humans aren’t capable of: True
love, absolute trust and a sloppy lick.
Pisces: As a senior citizen, beware
of a sudden change in the attitude
of your adult children. They are
turning into your parents.
Taurus: Tonight, your best cure for insomnia
is to make love to your sex-deprived mate.
As the aligned planets declare: Don’t
procrastinate, you’ll rise up to the challenge!
Gemini: If you’re suffering with a
four-hour Viagra erection, don’t call
your physician. Planets are affirming
that today you’re blessed with the op-
portunity to satisfy the needs of many.
Cancer: Especially today, don’t fall
in love with yourself. You’re not
worth it.
Leo: Now is the opportune time to
take credit for the marketing ideas
created by your assistant.
Virgo: You can’t afford to become enraged
at the man who’s having an affair with
your wife. He’s your employer!
Libra: For the sake of sanity, don’t ask your
secretary to bring you coffee, lie to your
wife or take his laundry to the dry cleaners.
She knows you for what you are:
A CHAUVINISTIC HORSE’S ASS!
Scorpio: Warning to passionate lovers.
In the heat of the night, don’t forget to
turn off the electric blanket.
Sagittarius: Stay calm when you take your written
driver’s exam. If you sweat, the ink on your palms
will smear ruining your chances to pass the test.
Capricorn: Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah
revellers, brace for a hurricane during the holiday season!
You’re mother-in-law’s coming to town! She was
the out-spoken one who felt you weren’t good enough
to marry her child. So when the doorbell chimes, be
forewarned. It ain’t gonna be Santa.
— Boots LeBaron —
http://www.amazon.com/The-Human-Race-Boots-LeBaron/dp/1494218526
THE HUMAN RACE
LIPS THAT KISS, POUT AND WHISPER SWEET-NOTHINGS
A kiss, even a prolonged mushy one,
is no guarantee for future bliss.
Yet it’s here, now and yummy. The
exaltation that ensues could result in
a mind-boggling journey. A tumultuous
one might, depending on the embracees,
could wind up as a lasting love affair
or a fairy tale one-nighter. Every
person reacts differently when a lover
tickles the sensuality whispering sweet-
nothings into an ear. Who knows what
intentions lurk when two lips touch?
Even a quick peck could say either: “I like
you an awful lot” or “You fill my heart
with passion.” Who’s to know? If the
act is truthful, the heartfelt exchange
might ask, “Now what?” The answer could
take seconds, days or an eternity.
But the pleasure is worth the effort.
During the necking process, if lips
part and tongues play hide-and-seek, the
performance could rival great theater.
Such exoticism never killed nobody.
Whether the act is sincere or sheer theatrics,
kissing is a motivational treasure that
makes hearts, souls and intellects one.
It’s like a promissory note. It must be
acted upon. Soon! If locking lips isn’t
a heavenly experience, where’s the fun?
After all, it provides couples with
the intimacy of exploration. A kiss
can lead to the altar, solve loneliness,
result in untold wealth, last forever,
or wind up in the divorce court. A smooch
offers all participants that touchy-feely
sensation that tweaks emotional mechanisms as
humanity searches for the meaning of LOVE.
— Boots LeBaron —
(Boots’ book, THE HUMAN RACE, contains philosophic
and humorous interviews, essays and light poetry
about life, death, love, courage, the workplace,
God and Showbiz. It’s available on Kindle or
may be purchased in paperback via Amazon.com)