Posts Tagged ‘ kindle ’
BYE-BYE TO ONE SWEET GOBBLER
Holiday turkey,
you’re such a culinary delight.
With your meat so tender,
we shall gobble you tonight.
And when our tummies are stuffed with you,
you may wind up as a tasty stew.
If by chance you turn greenish-blue,
we’ll have to trash what’s left of you.
By
— Boots LeBaron —
Click the link below and get Boots’s Black Friday Holiday Deal Starting Friday !!! And the Rest of the month !! Happy Turkey Day !!
THE HUMAN RACE
THIS STUNTMAN HAD A LOVE AFFAIR WITH HOLLYWOOD
Stuntman Bert LeBaron, with arms spread in flight,
was about to knock out a machine-gun nest manned
by prison guards in the 1947 Burt Lancaster classic
movie “BRUTE FORCE.” Esquire Magazine ran a full-page
photo of my airborne dad without giving the Hall of
Fame stuntman-actor credit. That’s the way it was
in Hollywood back then. Although today their names
are entombed with crew members in end-credits, stunt
people are still ignored by the motion picture and
television academies. Since more than 50 stuntmen
and women have died for Hollywood over the years,
don’t you think the survivors deserve Academy
recognition? At least for valor? What pisses me off
is to hear actors ooze B.S. (Don’t tell me they don’t!)
taking credit for “gigs” performed by athletes like
my old man. And now, digital animation is replacing
the acts of such stalwart guys and gals. After
35 years of proudly calling himself an actor-
stuntman, Bert LeBaron, who would never qualify as
another Laurence Olivier or Tom Hanks, developed
a heart problem that put him out of action physically
and financially. (His last stunt was doubling actor
William Bendix in a TV sitcom) When the film capital
of the world showed no compassion, he tried selling
encyclopedias. When that failed, he couldn’t even
support himself peddling newspapers on the streets of
Hollywood. Having nowhere to turn, he stepped into a
handball court at the Hollywood YMCA where he was renting
a room for $10 or $15 a week and purposely popped his
heart playing the game he loved more than women. He
died in 1956. I call Bert and his unheralded comrades
“stuntmen without faces.” I loved that womanizing rogue
whom my mother shed twice in divorce courts. My father
had so many ex-wives and girlfriends, they were lost
in the midst of his mind. Nevertheless, stuntmen and
women deserve to step up to the podium and accept a
golden statuette for their sensational athletic feats.
So tell the actors who, for the sake of publicity
or self-aggrandizement, to: Put A Cork In It! Their
crime is they continue to take credit for stuntwork
achieved by filmdom’s “faceless” others. In my book,
that’s a felony punishable by truth.
— Boots LeBaron —
THE HUMAN RACE
WAR NEVER ENDED FOR CHIEF ‘TALL SUN’
Despite a day of living hell and an adulthood surviving as a wounded World War II veteran with an atrophied right arm and a brace on his right leg, Chief George (Tall Sun) Pierre stood tall and courageously unrelenting against the unmerciful winds of life.
The fiercely proud full-blooded Okonogan Indian and a longtime friend of mine, died in 2011 (suffering from prostate cancer). He was the hereditary chief of the 11 Colville Confederated Tribes, a 1.5 million-acre reservation on the Columbia River near Spokane, Wash.
Our last conversation was on the phone. George, 85, told me he had prostate cancer. He was living in a condo in Redondo Beach, Calif. What troubled him more than the thought of death was that because of his disability he feared he would never return to the heavily-timbered reservation where he grew up and for many years visited frequently.
Like his father Chief Edward Joseph Pierre, the stoic-faced George had always been a warrior at heart. When he was only 16-years-old he enlisted in the Marines. “I wanted to be like my ancestors,” he said, “I wanted to be a hero.”
On November 23, 1943 (two days after his 17th birthday), he was the youngest member of the U.S. Marine’s 2nd Division assault forces. Against the Japanese-held Tarawa, a heavily fortified atoll in the northern Gilbert Islands in the South Pacific, he was one of thousands of leathernecks that stormed the beach.
“For most of us,” he recalled, “it was our first taste of battle. Bombs were exploding everywhere. Heavy machine-gun and rifle fire was tearing us apart. Bullets hitting the sand sounded like a hail storm. We were dangerously bunched together, pinned behind a seawall.”
As George moved away from the group a bullet ripped through his helmet penetrating his brain. “I fell to the ground, conscious but completely paralyzed. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t even blink my eyes. I could hear my buddies say, ‘Pierre got it!'”
Had it not been for a Navy corpsman who “noticed tears in my eyes and dragged me to safety,” George would have been left for dead alongside his comrades whose bodies were scattered along the beach and floating in the water.
“Here I was, a youngster, no different than the men and women fighting in Afghanistan today. A good kid. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Yet, God took away the use of my leg and arm for the rest of my life. It’s very difficult to rationalize.”
Death on the battlefield, he had told me, “is a tragedy not only for the soldier but for their families. But when you have to live with wounds like this, that calls for a different level of courage.
He was opposed to the “unjust” wars in Iraq and Afghanistan where “our kids were being killed and wounded. “The older I get, the more often I pray for our combat troops. Young people never think about being physically handicapped.
“Maybe it was God’s will that I was struck in the brain, because I never experienced pain. Even lying there on the beach, I knew something was terribly wrong. So I learned early in life that nobody is invincible.”
Since that fateful day in 1943, George has faced life like a true “Nez Perce Warrior” (the title of one of several books he has written and self published).
“I love my country,” he said. “I’m proud to be a wounded veteran of World War II. But life has been painful. When I walk or ride in my wheelchair, sometimes people think I’ve been crippled by a stroke. There have been times when I’d like to wrap my body in an American flag.”
It has been many years since George had worn his ceremonial war bonnet, ringed with black-tipped eagle feathers, and the white suit of leather stitched by his late mother, Mary Teresa, a medicine woman and tribal matriarch who played melancholy songs on a willow flute.
Chief Pierre, a former Congressman (1964-67) from the State of Washington, a lawyer with a master’s degree in political science from USC, was never without a battle.
One war he was constantly waging was against the silent prejudice he is intimately familiar with.
“Our society has a tendency to discard broken toys,” he said. “Many give money to help the handicapped. Yet those same people find cripples grotesque and have problems coping with the reality. “If people could look beyond our physical imperfections they might be surprised. Life is tough enough for a person with two hands and legs, let alone, a guy like me,” he said, a faint smile crossing his chiseled lips.
“In any war where the enemy is fanatically suicidal, our soldiers are all potential targets. They know they’re facing death or some form of mutilation the minute they step outside of a secure compound. That kind of inner-strength is hard to describe.”
When Pierre was 12-years-old, he was sent out alone in search of his manhood into the Bonapart Mountain Range, a wilderness in North Central Washington. During the ritual, he was supposed to survive for two days, then return as a man.
When he failed to return on schedule, his mother and uncle went searching for him. At high noon, they found him sleeping on a branch in a towering tree. Thus, he was given the Indian name Tall Sun.
With a hint of whimsy, he proudly proclaimed that he was “the last living Native American warrior chief.” His niece, Dr. Tracey Pierre of Seattle, Wash., said that George, who was divorced with no children, was given a military burial on Tuesday, Nov. 8, 2011, at Arlington National Cemetery.
About 25 years ago made me an “honorary chief” of the Colville tribes and his mother, Mary Teresa, a medicine woman and tribal matriarch blessed me and gave me a tribal name: Walk in the Clouds. With pride, I cherish the memory of that day. The reason I ran this story about my friend is tomorrow is Armed Forces Day.
— Boots LeBaron —
THE HUMAN RACE
THE FASCINATING PREY THIS OLD CAT GETS CHUMMY WITH
Reeking of Eternity cologne and badly in need of a haircut, the old lion sat in a corner licking his chops, slurping coffee at a Starbucks watering hole in Manhattan Beach, Calif. It was early morning. As he scribbled thoughts on a notepad he watched a parade of morsels line up for fresh-brewed concoctions. For weeks he had perched ready to pounce on a variety of unsuspecting characters who were sampling the dark liquid on the stage of life. It was a jungle more fascinating than the best of Broadway. Where else can one observe and even chat with such an entertaining cast of wildlife creatures — asking questions that only a scraggly old beast like me could get away with.
Take a look:
An unemployed wildebeest (actor) with a debilitating hangover sipping a decalf delight. A lonely old rooster whose wealth, despite his vanity, attracts a handful of young chickadees he loves to impress. A vulture with a prominent beak who’s always dressed in a blue suit and tie. Where’s he going? To work at the mortuary. An award-winning body surfer who’d rather ride the waves than be the aerospace engineer whose salary pays for his surfing expeditions. A belligerent homeless hyena who grabs the discarded newspapers, then exits Starbucks to find his own solitude. A soft-spoken well-groomed spotted leopard, an authority on sports, turns out to be a racial bigot. A gray wolf who calls himself “The Poet.” He survived eight years doing hard time in three state prisons. A fearless rhino (Los Angeles County deputy district attorney) who has successfully prosecuted and won more than 100 homicide cases, sending three men to Death Row. A statuesque gazelle (female banker, heavy on the eye shadow) who’s tired of being hit on. A racoon (physicist) who reached middle age before he confessed to his elderly mother who raised him as a single parent that liver made him gag. Whenever she served it for dinner, he’d wrap it in a napkin and pocket it. An eagle (entrepreneur from New York) who decades ago maxed out a credit card to start a pharmaceutical headhunter business that now has offices nationwide. An ostrich (buxom young woman, bellybutton exposed, butterfly wings tattooed above derriere), is poured into a clinging blouse, mini skirt, with shapely legs that stretch into stilettos. She’s looking for a “job that pays good.” A Bengal tiger (army officer dressed in camouflaged fatigues and combat boots) who has fought his share of wars in the Middle East. A couple of friendly pandas (English-speaking Taiwanese) who came to America 30 years ago. They diligently read the Chinese Daily News printed in their native language and discuss the editorials in Mandarin. A chimpanzee (iron worker) who blows about walking the high beams and gushes about an on-going love affair he’s having with the woman who happens to be the mother of his children. A porcupine (homeless young woman) coiling on the bricks outside Starbucks. Her face is dirty. Her features are classic. A charming yet squirrely orangutan in her mid-80s who blesses every person she comes in contact with. She claims one night she actually spoke to God. A Hollywood gorilla (stuntman) who had injured his back when the car he was driving in a film crashed. Despite the pain, he intends to return to work. What a parade of fascinating creatures. All tantalizing tidbits. What a world. What a life. Too bad I’ve already had breakfast.
— Boots LeBaron —
Click to read a preview of my nearly completed Memoir.
https://bootslebaronsworld.com/2015/01/18/conversation-with-a-dead-man-5/
(Boots’ new book, “THE HUMAN RACE,” consists of humorous and philosophic essays, poems and human interest stories focusing on life, Showbiz, love, courage, even death. It’s available on Kindle and in paperback via Amazon)
Bootslebaronsworld.com
CHAPTER OF MY MEMOIR
For those who have been reading
my blog over the past few years:
STAY TUNED. Sunday, (January 18 ,2015)
I’m releasing “Conversation With a Dead Man”,
the first chapter of my nearly-
completed Semi-autobiographical memoir
I’ve been working on for several years.
The working title of the book is
“IN THE MIDST OF SHOOTING STARS.”
I’d like to hear what you think.
Boots LeBaron
THE HUMAN RACE
PEOPLE WHO’VE BEAT LIFE’S RAP!
Picture this: A B-17 bomber returning home after a devastating combat mission. Flack has damaged part of its tail rudder. The fuselage is riddled with bullet holes. One engine is sputtering. Low on fuel, will that old bucket of bolts make it back to home base?
For God’s sake, that’s a metaphor for me! I just turned 82! In life, I’ve taken my share of hits and survived many missions over enemy territory. Yet I’m still writing and illustrating stories and essays about young and old people just like you. The final edit of my book, “THE HUMAN RACE” is now available on Kindle and Amazon in paperback.
Whenever I touch down on life’s tarmac, people tell me that I look great. I want to believe their bullshit. After one glance in the mirror, I know better. What my book has to offer are stories, related essays and light poetry. Those are my weapons. My mission is to introduce you to you. That is, if the two of you care to meet.
Here’s a sampling of the many men and women you might identify with: A rogue astronaut, a heartbroken single parent, a matador, cardiologists who grapple with death, a U.S. president, a psychic who doesn’t do “flying horns,” a war vet, a topless dancer studies her neurotic male audience, a movie star who despised Hollywood, a rabbi who survived memories of the Holocaust with humor, a prosecutor for the D.A. who sent three men to death row, a divorcee who knows how to rise above her woes, a LAPD bomb squad technician speaks of fear, the Picasso of shoe repair, journalistic dinosaurs who covered crime, a philosophic janitor, The Beatles, a pari-mutuel clerk psychoanalyzes racetrack bettors, 9/11 firefighters and cops, courageous men and women all…
The guys and gals I’ve written about have sampled triumph, humiliation, heartbreak, poverty, love and managed to laugh in the face of adversity. I’m proud to say they trusted me with their most intimate tales. Hopefully you’ll find something in common with many them. They are my professors. I want them to be your professors, too!
So buy the damned book on Kindle or Amazon.
This damaged B-17 Flying Fortress isn’t the only one who insists that his book is meaningful and entertaining.
Produced and formatted by my son Beau’s Blue Soul Publishing, here’s some quotes that pleased this battle-weary old Flying Fortress:
Dr. Carolyn M. Walker, a psychologist, writes: “Boots has a genuine interest in a wide variety of people and in each individual’s unique ‘story.’ He has an ability to combine their interviews with his own life experiences to arrive at some interesting universal truths about the human struggle. He uses his journalistic skills to present these thoughts in a readable, entertaining and somehow optimistic manner.”
Jim Norris, a historian, says: “Combining humor, history and philosophy, “THE HUMAN RACE” is a book with the kind of stories and essays you can return to again and again.”
Fern Levine, a retired airline administrator, writes: “A beautiful anthology of poetry, prose and vignettes. The stories are captivating, sometimes funny, often sad, and always kept me wanting to turn the page for more. The author has drawn on decades of experiences, and encounters with a grab bag of goodies, with something for everyone to relate to.”
Carlos Schiebeck, a photojournalist and combat photographer for UPI and Agencee France Presse, says: “Very interesting read. This was written by someone who has thought a lot about human nature and did interviews to prove what he understands about the human psyche. Well written.”
Now that kind of propaganda is the kind of fuel that keeps this beat-up old B-17 still flying high.
— Boots LeBaron —
THE HUMAN RACE
WHO ARE WE? WHY CAN’T HUMANITY GET ALONG?
Whether you’re a Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Muslim, Islamist or devout Atheist, despite our differences, we are here! Together. Sharing the planet we are wrecking. Why can’t we get along?
Why are we trying to devour one another for philosophic, spiritual, political or self-indulgent reasons? Do we have to blow each other up, shoot or stab somebody, or scorn one another to prove that we are superior; that we are playing on the right team?
I know an Atheist who’s dead certain that there is no God. He is a cynical man who’s angry with the world in which he thrives. He’s pissed at corruption, racial prejudice, the power of religion, politics, the suppression of womens’ rights, and aggressively condemns overpopulation.
Me too!
He’s never been married; has no children. He is college educated. Bright. Knows Shakespeare like I know Marmaduke. And seems comfortable when isolated from a society he often rejects. Once he told me that “there has never been a day when I didn’t experience the pain of loneliness.” More than once he had confessed that his parents failed to give him love.
Yet here is this intellectual with no God to lean on; not even a slim hope that there might be someone or something out there in the ionosphere waiting to embrace him.
Of course, it could be one of the three Gorgon sisters with snakes for hair. They are supposed to be absolutely beautiful. But one look and you turn to stone.
Years ago, I think I met one of them, a sultry-voiced Medusa. It was at Lane’s bar, a watering hole on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles. The sign out front read: Featuring Nightly: Bill Lane at the Cash Register. Lucky for me, it was so dark in that dive that I never did get a good look at that mythical babe. But at two in the morning, she sounded great.
I don’t know what happened to Bill. Since he adored women, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had become a stone-cold tourist attraction standing rigidly on the sidewalk outside Lane’s pointing at his sign.
Back to my old Atheist-actor friend: He played the game of life like a chameleon. He could change colors depending on the audition or social environment he found himself in. I can only appreciate the knowledge of playwriting and acting he passed on to me.
He touched me with his art. I might envy his knowledge of theater, his curious intellect, and a mind that has absorbed such wisdom studying the thought provoking words in myriad books.
Yet, the two of us are just as hypocritical as any guy or gal you’d care to name. Like many Earthlings, we’re still breathing. But Death is winking and beckoning.
I’m convinced that my long-time Godless pal is no wiser about the existence of a Supreme Being than I. In other words, we have a God-given or evolutionary gift that’s locked in the depth of our individuality.
Our brains, our uniqueness, provide us with the right to theorize about life, death and the hereafter. For a couple of old coots, truth is just around the corner.
— Boots LeBaron —
(The final edit of Boots’ book, THE HUMAN RACE, is
now available on Kindle, in audio, and on Amazon
paperback. It contains philosophic, inspirational
and humorous essays, light poetry and interviews
with a fascinating cross section of humanity)
THE HUMAN RACE
LIPS THAT KISS, POUT AND WHISPER SWEET-NOTHINGS
A kiss, even a prolonged mushy one,
is no guarantee for future bliss.
Yet it’s here, now and yummy. The
exaltation that ensues could result in
a mind-boggling journey. A tumultuous
one might, depending on the embracees,
could wind up as a lasting love affair
or a fairy tale one-nighter. Every
person reacts differently when a lover
tickles the sensuality whispering sweet-
nothings into an ear. Who knows what
intentions lurk when two lips touch?
Even a quick peck could say either: “I like
you an awful lot” or “You fill my heart
with passion.” Who’s to know? If the
act is truthful, the heartfelt exchange
might ask, “Now what?” The answer could
take seconds, days or an eternity.
But the pleasure is worth the effort.
During the necking process, if lips
part and tongues play hide-and-seek, the
performance could rival great theater.
Such exoticism never killed nobody.
Whether the act is sincere or sheer theatrics,
kissing is a motivational treasure that
makes hearts, souls and intellects one.
It’s like a promissory note. It must be
acted upon. Soon! If locking lips isn’t
a heavenly experience, where’s the fun?
After all, it provides couples with
the intimacy of exploration. A kiss
can lead to the altar, solve loneliness,
result in untold wealth, last forever,
or wind up in the divorce court. A smooch
offers all participants that touchy-feely
sensation that tweaks emotional mechanisms as
humanity searches for the meaning of LOVE.
— Boots LeBaron —
(Boots’ book, THE HUMAN RACE, contains philosophic
and humorous interviews, essays and light poetry
about life, death, love, courage, the workplace,
God and Showbiz. It’s available on Kindle or
may be purchased in paperback via Amazon.com)
THE HUMAN RACE
A VIEW OF EARTH FROM THE MILKY WAY
Get your head out of the clouds!
There are creatures, maybe similar
to humans, living on earth-size
planets in other galaxies.
They’re occupying celestial globes
that orbit their own suns. What if
these outer space creatures are
convinced that Earthlings are a race
suffering from self-centeredness?
Can you believe it? How could they
not want to mingle with our kind?
What if they decided that we’re a
frightening collection of unstable
aliens? Aliens? Who you kidding!
Perhaps we, the chosen ones, shouldn’t
assume that we are so damn divine.
Astrophysicists and other scientists
now tell us that there are lots of
other universes out there. Can you
believe: Intelligent beings light-
years away slapping the Alien label
on us? Sounds almost preposterous.
Yet, from their heavenly vantage point,
we are no more than two-legged, walking-
talking organisms who have miraculously
evolved into this mass of flesh and bone.
Just look at what we aliens are
doing to ourselves and Planet Earth.
There are literally billions of us
over-populating this place, polluting
the environment, and creating the
kind of technology that not only
enables us to spy on our neighbors but
invent snazzy weapons capable of
obliterating most of Earth’s population.
Kind of spooky, wouldn’t you say?
Granted, we are a fascinating collection
of smarty pants who worship radically
different gods, politicians, movie stars
athletes and office managers. But why
would any reputable space traveler from
one of the billions of planets in the
Milky Way want to get his or her bell
rung visiting such a power-obsessed,
greed-ridden orb like Mother Earth?
Got me.
— Boots LeBaron —
Boots’ new book, “THE HUMAN RACE,” is now available on
Amazon.com in Kindle and paperback. It contains humorous
and inspirational views of life, death, the workplace,
religion, showbiz and everything in between.
Boots has just published his new book The Human Race by Boots LeBaron. Its available now on Amazon and in the Kindle Select Library.
Click to buy The Human Race by Boots LeBaron avail at Amazon and Kindle.
Boots LeBaron's World 