LOOK TO THE STARS TO HEAL YOUR PERSONAL SOAP-OPERA

THE HUMAN RACE

ASTROLOGICAL  FORECASTS YOU WON’T FIND IN

THE journal SCIENCE OR ON TV’S BREAKING NEWS:

Aquarius:  Today you will bring tears

to the eyes of those you are close to.

Take a mint. You have halitosis.

 

Aries: To fill the emptiness in your

 life, buy or adopt a dog.  It will give

you what humans aren’t capable of:  True

love, absolute trust and a sloppy lick.

 

Pisces: As a senior citizen, beware

of a sudden change in the attitude

of your adult children. They are

turning into your parents.

 

Taurus: Tonight, your best cure for insomnia

 is to make love to your sex-deprived mate.

As the aligned planets declare:  Don’t

procrastinate, you’ll rise up to the challenge!

 

Gemini: If you’re suffering with a

four-hour Viagra erection, don’t call

your physician. Planets are affirming

that today you’re blessed with the op-

portunity to satisfy the needs of many.

 

Cancer: Especially today, don’t fall

in love with yourself. You’re not

worth it.

 

Leo: Now is the opportune time to

take credit for the marketing ideas

created by your assistant.

 

Virgo: You can’t afford to become enraged

at the man who’s having an affair with

your wife. He’s your employer!

 

Libra: For the sake of sanity, don’t ask your

 secretary to bring you coffee, lie to your

wife or take his laundry to the dry cleaners.

She knows you for what you are:

A CHAUVINISTIC HORSE’S ASS!

 

Scorpio: Warning to passionate lovers.

In the heat of the night, don’t forget to

turn off the electric blanket.

 

Sagittarius: Stay calm when you take your written

driver’s exam. If you sweat, the ink on your palms

will smear ruining your chances to pass the test.

Capricorn: Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah

revellers, brace for a hurricane during the holiday season!

You’re mother-in-law’s coming to town!  She was

 the out-spoken one who felt you weren’t good enough

to marry her child.  So when the doorbell chimes, be

forewarned.  It ain’t gonna be Santa.

                  — Boots LeBaron —

http://www.amazon.com/The-Human-Race-Boots-LeBaron/dp/1494218526

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